Washington, DC (TDP) – A recently published report from the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has concluded that every one of the 321.4 million residents of the United States will die if the […]
West Chester, PA (TDP) – After a long, sad night of drinking and missed hookups, QVC, the world’s leading television network shill, dialed the number listed at the bottom of the […]
Island Beach State Park, NJ (TDP) – A large, pugnacious sea mammal appeared to have beached itself at Island Beach State Park in New Jersey over the weekend. However, with the […]
Washington, DC (TDP) – In an effort to advocate bipartisanship within its deeply divided ranks, the House of Representatives today approved funding for the promotion of additional shocking tragedies in the United States […]
Mass-shooting rookie James Hodgkinson disappointed crazed, left-wing zealots across the country, hitting just 5 for 50 in his radically violent debut. The portly 66-year-old from Belleville, IL seemed tentative in his first […]
The National Rifle Association expressed its relief today that none of it most passionate supporters were among those injured in the Alexandria, VA congressional baseball shooting. NRA Executive Director Wayne LaPierre […]
Reputed comedian Kathy Griffin today severed her own head in a follow-up to her hugely popular Trump-beheading photo. The accidental decapitation was captured on film during a photo shoot with […]
Foxborough, MA (TDP) – Former New England Patriot All-Pro Tight End Aaron Hernandez has added his name to the list of Patriot players who will not be visiting the White House […]
Chicago, IL (TDP) – United Airlines (UAL) today announced plans to offer fee-based upgrades for passengers wishing to smoke on any of its domestic or international flights. United’s new “Butt” fee […]
Providence, RI (TDP) – Fulfilling a keystone campaign promise, President Donald Trump today announced the addition of “thousands” of new coal jobs to the nation’s economy. Speaking at the opening […]
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