Yeehaw Junction, RI (TDP) – Local resident Zeke Hawthorne, 61, became quite concerned recently after realizing he had left his Private Ridges Road home for a short trip with the internet still running.
“You can’t be too careful,” the retiree noted, “I once left an email from a Nigerian Prince unopened for days and never heard back from him!”
After calling a neighbor from a pay phone at Pete’s Meat Market, Hawthorne was relieved to discover that his internet connection required electricity to operate and that had been shut off months ago. “Wireless, my ass! You tell that Elon Musk fella that our world runs on oil, gas, and cordwood like the good Lord intended.”
Elon Musk was unavailable for comment.