The ZEETCHES

Now, the Mask-Wearing Zeetches
Had masks on their faces.
But the Bare-Faced Zeetches
Wore none in the places.

Those masks weren’t so big. They were really so small.
You might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all.

But, because they were bolder, the Bare-Faced Zeetches
Would brag, “We’re the best kind of Zeetch,” in their speeches.
With their nose in the air, they would cough and they’d snort
“We’ll have nothing to do with the Mask-Wearing sort!”
And whenever they met some, when they were out shopping,
They’d walk right on past them without even stopping.

When the Bare-Faced Zeetches came by to call,
Could a Mask-Wearer get in a word…? Not at all.
You only could speak up if you weren’t complying
And the Mask-Wearing Zeetches were all scared of dying.

When the Bare-Faced Zeetches had political rallies
Or concerts or parties or recounting vote tallies.
They never invited those from Mask-Wearing towns,
They left them out cold, in a total lockdown.
They kept them away. “It’s a hoax,” they all wrote.
And that’s how they treated them. Alone and remote.

Then ONE day, seems…while the Mask-Wearing Zeetches
Were coping and hoping and tuning out speeches,
Just sitting there wishing that COVID was gone.
A stranger zipped up, slight, pale and drawn.

“My friends,” he announced in a voice kind of grouchy,
“My name is Doctor Anthony Fauci.
And I’ve heard of your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy.
But I can fix that. And I’ll do it snappy.
I’ve come here to help you. I know what you need.
I’ve done it before. And I work at warp speed.
And my work is 94 per cent guaranteed!”

Then, quickly, this Doctor Anthony Fauci
Pulled out a syringe and said, “It’s not ouchy.”
And he said, “You all want to live with bare faces?
My friends, you can have it. Let’s find the worst cases!”

“You can get it for free. Thank Moderna and Pfizer.
Don’t thank me. I’m just an adviser.”
So they all lined up. Front-line workers came first.
And then all the old folks. Cuz they got it the worst.
And it zonked. And it gronked. And it twerked. And it perked.
They had to get two. But the shots really worked!

Then they called to the ones who had doubts at the start,
“We’re maskless like you! You can’t tell us apart.
We can be just the same, now, don’t be anti-vaxxers!
And then you’ll be fine not wearing a mask, sir”

“It’s a fraud!” groaned the ones who wore no masks at the first.
“We’re still the right Zeetches and they are the worst.
But, now, how in the world will we know,” they all frowned,
“If they’re super-spreaders, or the other way round?”

Then along came Fauci with a very sly wink.
And he told them that, “Things could get worse than you think.”

“You don’t know what to do. That is perfectly true.
But come with me, friends. Do you know what I’ll do?
I’ll make you, again, the best Zeetches on earth
But you must really try, for all that you’re worth.”

“Conspiracy theories are no longer in style.
You need a vaccine. You’ll be safe for a while.
Believe me, we do have the right antidote.
You can all get them, no matter your vote.”
And that handy syringe
Working very precisely
Removed all the COVID from the country quite nicely.

Millions of doses. The Pharma machine roared.
Millions of Zeetches.  They all thanked the Lord.
When the Zeetches got done, they all had immunity.
Which was the best thing for the entire community.

Then, of course, every thing began to improve.
And everyone started to get back in their groove.
The stores were all open. The restaurants. The malls.
And even the music in the concert halls.

Then, of course from THEN on, as you probably guess,
Their country arose from this horrible mess.

The airplanes flew. And on trips they all went.
And back to work, too.  They could now pay the rent.
Sports went on playing. They had just barely stopped.
And TV had something, not just reruns of Chopped.
And all the Zeetch children went back to their schools.
“No more distance learning! No more stupid rules!”
The hospitals, too, had seen all the worst.
The doctors were heroes. But mostly the nurse.
The Zeetches got healthy and came out of hidin’
And all that they paid was four years of Joe Biden.

Then, when every last dose
Was given to most,
Dr Fauci packed up
And said adios.

And he laughed as he said
We now have full compliance,
“I told you before.
We’ll win it with science!”

And Fauci was right. I’m quite happy to say
That the Zeetches got really quite smart on that day,
The day they decided that Zeetches are Zeetches
And no kind of Zeetch is the best on the beaches.
That day, all the Zeetches forgot about COVID
Or who they supported. Or who even voted.