Washington, DC (TDP) – President Trump today announced his support for an immigration plan that would provide a pathway to citizenship for so-called “DREAMERS” – hundreds of thousands of young people who were brought to the country as children and are now here illegally. Trump also declared that he supports a path to citizenship for female immigrant “LOOKERS” and “HOTTIES” hoping to settle in the United States . “And that path leads right through the private residence at the White House, if you know what I’m saying,” added the President, creepily.
Trump’s support for “dreamers” represents a significant concession to Democrats and was positioned as a compromise to help break the impasse over immigration in Congress, according to White House aides. But in a sign of how tenuous the prospects for an immigration deal remain, the proposal was met with contempt from House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA).
“Nancy knows she could never get in under these strict guidelines,” Trump added. “She is a woman, sure. But we need fresh meat. Young ladies yearning to breathe free and eager to contribute their substantial assets to help Make America Great Again.”
“If I learned one thing in my time with the Miss Universe pageant it’s this – foreign women are hot. I should know, I’ve married two. So far.”
Miss Universe was unavailable for comment.