The Daily Parodian

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• Trump Offers Immigrants Three-Fifths Compromise

  February 22, 2017 0

  President Trump issued a new Executive Order on immigration today, offering a three-fifths compromise to foreign nationals residing in the United States.  Under the order, all foreign nationals and immigrants will be counted as three-fifths [...]

• Suspected Caravan of Asylum Seekers Traveling Through Mexico Turns Out to be Penniless Spring Breakers Returning From Cancun

  April 5, 2018 0

  Matias Romero, Mexico (TDP) – A group of 1,000 haggard travelers wandering through Mexico heading north towards the U.S. border has been positively identified.  Originally thought to be Central American refugees seeking asylum in the [...]

• United Airlines to Offer Smoking Upgrade for Passengers

  April 18, 2017 0

  Chicago, IL (TDP) – United Airlines (UAL) today announced plans to offer fee-based upgrades for passengers wishing to smoke on any of its domestic or international flights.  United’s new “Butt” fee will allow eligible passengers to [...]

• Trump Inaugurated as 45th President. Obamas Flee Washington.

  January 20, 2017 0

   “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You.   Ask What Your Country Can Do For Me.” In a mostly cloudy ceremony attended by tens of millions in Washington, D.C. and viewed by billions [...]

• QVC Purchases Home Shopping Network in Late Night, Drunken Impulse Buy

  July 11, 2017 0

  West Chester, PA (TDP) – After a long, sad night of drinking and missed hookups, QVC, the world’s leading television network shill, dialed the number listed at the bottom of the screen and purchased the entire [...]

• President Trump Threatens to “Act Presidential”

  February 18, 2017 0

  In a hastily-called news conference, President Donald Trump today threatened to “act Presidential” if the media continued to cover him with such “hatred.” “I don’t want to do it, but I will.  If I have to I [...]

• Massive Data Breach Uncovered as Phone Companies Admit Publishing Names, Addresses and Phone Numbers of 200 Million Americans

  April 10, 2018 0

  Dallas, TX (TDP) – In the wake of massive consumer data breaches recently reported by Facebook and Equifax, U.S. phone companies now admit unknowingly releasing the names, addresses, and phone numbers for over 200 million [...]

• Office Worker Oversells Super Bowl Pool Squares

  February 3, 2017 0

  Assistant Accounts Payable Manager Nathan Early found himself in a predicament this week when it was discovered that he had oversold numbers for the annual Super Bowl Pool.  Early, already on probation for the mishandling [...]